Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Oh my god. I sat through an earthquake last night! It was pretty scary, especially since my bed started shaking and then my walls and I thought the house was gonna split in two! There was a strange feeling of being pulled sideways too, which I didn't like.

...and then it stopped. &I wondered, what the hell was that?! But I was not alone. People up and down England felt it. On the richter scale it was 5.3, which for England is pretty heavy. The worst in 25 years. It was well weird.

But it's nothing to complain about. There was some minor damage around the country, but thankfully I was ok and won't have to be repairing the house any time soon :) We get it very good compared to other countries. Thank goodness we don't get them on a larger scale.

Anyway, enough of that.

I have the day off (pretty much) but I'm unlikely to get much done as I have to attempt to write a cover letter (which will no doubt take ages), so I'm unsure whether to do that now or do some reading first. I also have to go and see a film at the union called 'All the Presidents Men', around 3pm, so I want to be ready for that.

I got my proposal back though and I'm chuffed to bits as I got a 1st! woohoo! :) yayayayaya. Which is very encouraging indeed and making me want to pursue the dissertation now. I didn't think I was going to get that grade because I've had the same mark all year so far, which has been a bit depressing. So it's nice to know my work is great in places :) hehe.

I have wrote a new poem too. Oh and a haiku :P


will result
in your

will prevent
you from
reaching your

Tell me
is it possible
to win on
the grounds of
a judge and jury?

Document your faith
Terrorise and glory
Ultimately the truth
can not be revealed
so you censor out the story

What kind of li(f)e is this?


Monday, February 25, 2008

Yes, I know it's late. But I thought I'd post this anyway, since I have a new piece of work.


The engine crawls
We fall down on our knees
to kiss the asphalt
that crumbles between
our palms, like soldiers
barracading the road through
the old town and the new city

Lies danger
Burning away at 200mph
Tarmac blisters in the stench of a pothole sun

….and looking out from the inside,
Johnny cocks his gun
Its metal glitters like the last trickles of water,
so this is what sweat tastes like,
from prisoners on the run

he thinks;
uncertain of the barrens
the cruel jibes
that plant themselves
in his memories
are growing thorns

twilights twist
a rosy vein
that blossomed
her first daughter
and he, the devil man
that spawned her

Out on the roads
Wielding weapons
of gross proportions
they fire out
all angles spinning
wheels a-grip with rage
the old man
sits slurping, grinning

Watching with a kind of naivety
at the bikers
wasting away
at speeds that kill
they take their fill
of drugs drink and women

He has seen many an outlaw
driven crazy by the sun
burned by the flames of fear
that flicker on the horizon

War damaged criminals
crippled by the surge of youth
no longer play the game
he sighs with relief;
no longer a hostage to the truth

Fast-forward to San-Fransisco
Bodies shunned in cactus strewn city
Johnny lights up
Leather jacket stitched on by name
fever-worn brows raised to the sky
Touching, slowly stroking the last
of the lead

Trunk raised high

He hums a tune
to keep himself steady
gun cocked at the ready…

‘Yes sir
this one’s a ho-or
better show her a good time’

Tears don’t fall
they flood her

Taped tresses strangle her beauty
like weeds trapping out flowers
Breath still, in danger
Breasts aware, rope twists blue
she grips her thighs a little tighter
to prevent his hand squeezing through

‘Come on little lady,
don’t be a stranger’,

he drawls
a cocktail of
hash and gin,
like a medley of grimey tunes

she bites
he moans
she screams

The kick of the wrist
the lash of the tongue
climbs yet crawls
and withers inside her

But with a bang bang
the trunk is covered
her petals scattered

Outside he stands,
leaving her for dead
the body he does sling

Taking only her silver locket
that’s the only thing she’d bring

He trembles
but can’t show fear
He lifts a cloth to wipe
the ruby stains
Stumbles, staggers
and slams the door shut.

…yet still the thorn remains

That night
in the old town
a greying shadow of a man
dreams about his family

It’d been so long
since his wife departed;
strangled at the hands of an angel
He became an outlaw
seeking revenge

He wanted to kill him
Wring his neck and slaughter
when that guy had swore upon his life, to
‘get you and your precious tramp of a daughter’

She was five
He had kissed her lips
The father bust his nose
Stroked her cheek
and touched her leg;
He’d made him comatose

but now at sixteen
she was in grave danger
a beauty all of her own
The father was scared
for her return

and checking the clock
feared but the worst
as he listened to the sound
of the speeding car, ahead
wheels ready to burst

‘She’ll be home soon’,
he says, touching the silver locket
over and over again

Its shape a rose
with a picture inside;
He gave it as a gift
when she was born

as a memory

…to the part of him that died.

ACJ 25/2/08

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I've been feeling pretty drab today. Not sure why. I guess it's the realisation and the monotony of having to buy newspapers everyday, that my dissertation is now under way and I've got to roll with it...there is no way out.

and I'll be honest.

I'm scared.

Really, utterly terrified that everything I've done so far and everything I'm going to do will be a pile of wank because I don't have the time to satisfy myself that what I'm doing is actually any good.

For starters, this term will be heavier (I suspect less stressful, just more boring than the last) because it's more academic.

I have a presentation to do in May
An essay due in after Easter
A tonne of reading for my dissertation
Have to write a 8,000 - 10,000 word dissertation itself
A 3 hour exam at the end of the term and...
I have to produce a 72 page magazine in a group of 5 people

and on top of that I have to produce a brief, write at least 3 individual features of varying lengths, sub-edit a piece of someone else's work and I'm sure we have to write something else, but I can't remember what. I know we have work to produce as a group though, as well as individually. So understandably, I am a little bit worn out by the prospect of all of that.

So it's pretty much going to be non-stop now until mid-June when I finish the course.

Don't even remind me about getting a job (people seem to keep going on about it to me) and the department is wittering on and sending e-mails to remind us of prospective jobs, you know, just to hammer it home a little.

One girl on my course already has a job and has started, doing one day a week at The Reading Chronicle for £12.50 an hour. That scares me somewhat. I haven't even started looking properly.

But maybe I should.

I'm signing up for stuff now just to ease my mind and hopefully get the ball rolling. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I have a new piece of work.

Wave Goodbye to the Butterfly

Feelings fall
as the autumn leaves
curl to skies of grey
and dancing, dancing
are washed away

Into puddles
that whisper of many moons
we fall asleep
on clouds of residue
as the caterpillar
hidden, so small
begins to creep…

Paraded so low
a kerb so high
that guttural stench
bleeding us so dry
never fails to intervene
when it comes to love
a quintessential mask
of our emotions

Upon the soul
as in our roots
pulled out
from the dark
we grew

and into the light
that glimmers
by fresh-speckled dew
we yearn for change
to take us along;
out with the old,
in with the new

Wasn’t that your saying?

Except I no longer feel
for that phrase
just as you no longer
that I stand tall
and unafraid

Not to be
not yours
You lose

Through flickering lights
decanter the sensation
they can’t prevent
us from reaching
our destination

That storm
That swallow
to flee

to follow.

- 19.2.08

Monday, February 11, 2008

I had a really weird dream on Sunday night. Or should that be nightmare. It was really strange. First of all, I was enjoying my stay in a medieval style cottage. Until some Helena Bonham Carter look-alike came bursting through to ask me what I was doing invading her living space. Turns out that Johnny Depp is a serial killer who's made her a part of his exclusive 'club' and kidnaps babies only to lock them in his shed. Then tries to chase me out of his garden with a pickaxe or some other similar device. Right. quite amazes me the extent of the depravity and vivacity of my dreams sometimes. But by this point, you're just thinking I'm a nutter. So I digress. I'll talk about what's real instead. By the way, that dream really happened.

Since my final autumn semester exam on Feb 4th, I've been home for a couple of days (from Tuesday until today) to be with Gary and my family once more. I had a really nice time, just chilling and not doing any work or revision (for a change) which I made the most of. My time with Gary was spent watching films (Beavis and Butthead do America, Halloween 4 and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, respectively). Whilst we also played games (Guitar Hero, NHL Ice Hockey) and I handed over 'Assassin's Creed' which I bought for him last week when it was offer for £23 at Zavvi. We went out a few times too - ended up getting some squeezy cheesy sauce which we're both kinda addicted to. Which was very yummy although it put me off a bit when I first saw it coming out of the bottle, it did taste pretty nice on chips. At the weekend, we had a wander around town and sorted out some stuff that went wrong with Gary's bank details after a mishap earlier in the week. But it's all good now :)

I went to Chester on Thursday. I love going there with my parents, I think it stems back from when I was little and we'd always go there every weekend. My great grandmother used to live in a house near to the city centre and I guess that's one of the reasons we used to go before she passed away. Plus it has really lovely buildings, lovely scenery and it's got a real sense of history about it. Although it may be too quiet for some people's taste, I've found the city centre itself to be pretty busy at times. When I was little I used to run up and down the pier near to the rapids and throw bread at the ducks in the water to try to get them to come up real close to me. I had great fun doing that and going on the 'Diana' boat ride one time. Classy. Ahh memories. Anyway last Thursday I just ended up buying a couple of dvds. 'Memoirs of a Geisha', 'The Prestige' and 'Thank You for Smoking' being some of the titles I chose to whet my appetite. I'm hoping to watch them with Gary, but we have a tonne of movies to get through as it is :]

In scarier news...some of my coursemates ALREADY have jobs! *is shocked and slightly dumbfounded*. This kind of makes me scared. It's starting to wake me up and realise I really need to start taking this seriously and to get my CV out there and applying for different sorts of jobs. It sort of worries me though that so many people are so keen to do well. I mean obviously people do, but I never expected so many people I knew to get them so quick. Kind of daunting. I'm still not sure if I even want to be a journalist anymore. Obviously they's got a job at the Reading Chronicle and another of my mate's has a job interview lined up for a top selling magazine! (by that I mean, the magazine she pointed to is readily available on the news stands). I couldn't help but feel a little 'oh' coming on when I found all of this out. Then again do I do what is expected of me, or take it at my own pace? Either way, refining my CV and having a look for some prospective jobs in the north west area can't hurt. I'll get cracking on that soon.

I've just realised how late it is now. Brrr. I start the final semester of University tomorrow! My number of hours now is significantly less than last term, seven hours compared to around - 9 or 10, last semester. Which is a lot nicer all in all. Then again, I'm supposed to be using that time effectively to do reading/study for my dissertation.

I have to be up early tomorrow anyway, I've got to pick up a parcel that got took back to the post office because it went unrecorded and unsigned. I need to get it as it's my Gary's valentine's present.

Stupid post people. grrr.

Over and out.

Monday, February 04, 2008

One week later and I am still at it. Revising that is. I think I know enough, but nowhere near to say I'm a pro. I only feel like I know the basics, not all the in's and outs like I should do. I'm just gonna have to keep on going over and over it until I understand completely.

The weather hasn't been helping. It snowed yesterday!!

I should've gone out in it ( I did to do a spot of shopping, nothing else and nearly ended up falling over because it was so icy, hehe) but I didn't get to go out and play in it like I wanted to. Boo. Exams suck.

I just take comfort in the fact that after tomorrow that's my last exam until late May/June! (for some it's their last ever- lucky buggers- they took political communication last year and had to do a three hour exam, where as I'm doing it this time around, having done web last year).

Anyway after tomorrow at 4.30pm I will be freee! and then all I have to do is hand in my JNL301 work on Tuesday. I'm then going back home for a few days before the new term starts as I'll have nothing else to do here, so figure I might as well go home and see Gary and all my family again. God knows I miss them all so much :(

Right, I best get back to revision. I'll update again soon.
Wish me luck for tomorrow if you love me :]
Take cares reader.