Friday, December 19, 2008

After the realisation that I am start to work shortly - I get an email (only received it today) telling me that the start date has been put forward after some discussion, so I will now be starting work on the 12th of January, which is exciting.

Though it gives me less time to celebrate my birthday :(

Ah well. In other news, I went to see Chubby Brown at the Manchester Apollo last night. He was rude, crude and very very dirty but in my opinion, he gets an unfair rap from the media. Sure his act was foul in parts but he's also very funny and I give anyone kudos who can stand up on stage for an hour and a half and perform a stand up comedy act. It's tough as hell. It takes a lot of guts and you have to really be on the ball, as comedy is basically thinking ahead to the next joke all the time. So yes, he was good :) but, whilst some of the jokes were not to my cup of tea I can still appreciate a comic like him for the work he has done and for making people laugh [even if it does come across as terribly right wing, sexist and fascist] there is still room and always should be room for freedom of thoughts and speech, even if the majority disagree.

Also as a surprise, Ricky Hatton was in the crowd - he was sat like 2 rows in front of me and Gary.

But it was on the way home - well just as we'd reached Gary's house and had just parked up, that I was getting my bag out of the car and was stood on the road...when a car came hurtling around the corner, saw that I was in the road and actually started SPEEDING UP - FFS. I was so scared I just ran to the pavement to get out the way and the car door was still open - but the car kept going full speed at it! Thankfully it never got hit. But still - it's the principle.

The sad thing is that the chavs inside that car no doubt thought that was hilarious. But what if it had been a little old lady? or someone equally as vulnerable? would they speed up then? idiots. As they turned the car around they nearly ran Gary over as well as they were parking up right behind our car. Then they got out and started shouting abuse at us. >.< it was sooo infuriating and upsetting, I can't tell you.

Even when we got in, I found it difficult to calm down because of the worry that they might do something to our car. Grrrr. Scum like that deserve to be put down.
Those teenage boy chav idiots sure know how to ruin a good evening. Bastards.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Well I never thought it would happen, but I knew it would eventually.
I heard back about that job I applied for - and I got it! :D
I'm so happy and ecstatic about it I'm not sure what to do with myself as I now have all this energy and I'm like wanting to tell everyone but so far I've only told about 3 people.
I should be receiving my contract in the post either tomorrow or this weekend. Which is exciting. I'm sooo glad I don't have to carry on looking for more jobs now as the whole 'sign on this line' process was really beginning to get me down after 6 months of searching. I've been told I don't have to start until late January either the week starting the 19th or the 26th. So I'll have plenty of time to celebrate Christmas, New Years and my 22nd birthday :) good times.

More details on that as they arrive :p

So today I don't know what to do with myself really. I want to help set up the Christmas tree but I've been told my Mum will do it personally, later on. What else? Could be going to see Chubby Brown tonight which would be cool. I don't know 100% if that'll be the case however.

Sorry too excited to do much else now.



Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Heylo. Ok so I've been trying to get into the festive spirit with Christmas only a week away. I'm feeling very very excited :) and I know it's gonna be really fun and amazing.

This past week has been fairly hectic I'd say. Well, last week felt like it was. A lot has happened.

After that dreadful Monday, I spent Tuesday and Wednesday preparing myself for a job interview I had on Thursday morning.

Oh I got my hair cut pretty short on Wednesday :) it's now a mid lenth bob with a fringe and I'm really digging it I must say XD

On the day of the job interview I had to do a little presentation on why I wanted the role and what steps I would implement etc etc - and I felt as if all was going well - and I got told at the end I would hear back 'some time early next week' probably Monday. I left feeling relieved. &wanting to enjoy the weekend.

So last weekend was great :) I went to a GPW show (wrestling for those who don't know) on Friday night with Gary and Griff in Wigan. &whilst it was quite a drive, the actual show was pretty good. It was all fairly amateur for sure, but I had a good time and the place was fairly packed considering it was just an average sized social room (Monaco Ballroom). Had some trouble with the SatNav on the way home - it seemed to be taking us to Widnes via Bootle, lol. Finally realised in the end that the sensor wasn't up so couldn't pick up the signal, haha. We're such dumdums :p

I went to another wrestling show on Saturday night in Doncaster. I ended up driving 93 miles to this place called Edlington to watch some guys wrestle :p

We got there before 7pm and then we went into this small venue called 'The Granby' which was where the 1PW show was set. It was decent enough though the crowds were a great reminder of where we were. Yes, inbred doesn't even come into it. There were people there with mullets and anoraks on, ffs :s it was just like being involved in a timewarp back to the 80's. *shudders*.

After the show which was ok at best, we drove to Sheffield to meet up with a mate and stay for his house party :) that was fun. Though being fairly tired, me and Gary only had a few drinks and then we ordered pizza and our injection of cheesy sauce and chips :D mmm. Then ended up falling asleep in the back of the car for around an hour, lol. When we went back in and it was around 3.30am or so and whilst there was some weird hippy guy pretending he was a DJ in Davey's bedroom and some girl dancing for a good while, me and Gary finally got to sleep...eventually.

The next day (Sunday) was spent chilling out, then finally going into town and doing a bit of Christmas shopping. Yay. I saw an old friend in the morning as I was queuing up to use the bathroom. Rob who I knew from halls. Other than that...spent the day shopping as I say and ended up buying my Dad a christmas present :). Ended up going home via the Snakes Pass which was a little scary for me in the dark, but I didn't mind. It's all good experience.

Monday - some new cupboards arrived for me :D so me and my parents spent most of the day rearranging my bedroom. We've replaced the blue cupboard I had and put in the spare room, which is now being used for towels. My new desk is really nice as it doubles as a desk/cupboard and it's opened up a lot of space. My bed has also been rearranged so it's facing the desk rather than the door/wall as it was previously. It looks a lot better and gives the illusion of a lot of space. It's nice.

I even have my own little bookshelf and a nice throw over the head of my bed to 'break up' the part between the computer and where my bed begins. I really want to sort out my brothers' academic books as they're really clogging up the top and bottom of my wardrobes. If I could just get rid of them, I'd be happy with it to be honest as it'd look a lot less cluttered. I'm glad my room has been rearranged now as it's looking a lot better and no doubt will save me from being mithered to go and 'tidy my room'. If my room is already very nice then they'll have to find something else to moan about :p haha.

Anyway I've been waiting all week to hear back on that job I applied for...and have heard nothing, so I'm presuming I haven't got it, which sucks :( but hey, guess it wasn't meant to be. I'm just trying to keep positive through it all as something is bound to come up eventually.

Over and out.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Haha so much happened yesterday it was almost surreal.

Ok, I got invited to this 'Alumni Academy' day which took place yesterday. Some lady invited me on Tuesday via phone call, explaining to me that it was for graduates and the intention was to try and place them into relevant sales/marketing placements, if they passed a series of exercises and got involved in debates.

So I went along yesterday. I had to be up fairly early (7am) in order to get myself back home, showered and prepared. I had to wear a business suit, which looked smart but admittedly, wasn't all that comfortable.I took the train at around 10am to get to Manchester Oxford Road. All was well I was thinking, until on the second leg of the journey, I got accused by the train conductor of trying to 'have him off' by not purchasing my ticket straight away and asking for a return from Manchester Oxford Road to Heald Green (the place where the academy was). He asked me,'So how did you get through the barrier at Oxford Road?' and asked me where I had actually come from.

It wasn't my intention to do anything 'illegal' as he was claiming, but to just buy my ticket from Oxford Road-Widnes on the way back home.

For starters, I couldn't get a ticket at Widnes station because there was some guy in the queue faffing about and taking ageees discussing with the station controller - by which point I was losing the will to live and probably would've missed my train. Then on the train the conductors walked right past and just completely ignored me - they seemed to have some new girl who didn't know what she was doing at all. So by the time I got to Manchester I just thought 'fuck it I'll just buy it on the train here'. Didn't realise that was such a crime.

Also I didn't know that you could buy a ticket like an 'all in one' direct. That sounds kinda odd, but last time I had to switch trains I could only purchase a ticket from said station to [insert destination] on the route, so I was under the assumption it was still like that.

Anyway I arrived at Heald Green by 11am. It's on the route to Manchester Airport, so it's like the station stop before that one. I had already ate a sandwich on the way down there and by the time I got off the train I realised I was walking with a few people of similar age to my own who had business suits on themselves. So we all started to have a chat and before long we were at the Academy which was based at the Manchester International Office Centre which was this big building next to a load of other officey type places. We went in there and we had to wait for the good part of an hour before being called up.

There was at least 20 different graduates there. All very different. All dressed in business suits. Most were men. I was one of only four girls there. We received name badges and were led into a business meeting type room.

The next couple of hours went fast, but in that time we got a basic grounding of the day, did an 'ice breaker' exercise where we had to present our 'neighbour' to the rest of the class. &then we received a sales training course, which included performing an exercise where we had to pretend we were a sales training company and were selling our services to some IT company who were looking to employ people.

Then finally we had to get involved in a 'constructed' debate - my group's was about capital punishment but some girl in our group argued 'for' capital punishment rather than against which was a lot bloody harder. The other group had to argue for and against the congestion charge. Whilst I got involved, I didn't feel as though I contributed enough on the actual day because the people there just seemed to be talking utter bullshit - it was definitely a matter of manner over content. Plus I fall under the pressure of having to think directly on my feet, I'd rather prepare for a bit longer than 5 minutes to be honest.

Didn't help much that they didn't have any breaks whatsoever either. I bloody well needed the toilet too, but you only got 5 minutes to prepare for these massive exercises and then it was straight back in the room. I knew I wouldn't pass by the time the debates rolled around. The way they announced who had passed this free sales training course was by calling out a list of people's names and taking them out of the room. I knew by the point where he said 'You can leave your stuff as you'll be coming back' that those people had gone through.

But quite a lot of people's names didn't get called. Mine was one. But there were at least 10 people or so who didn't get called. We got told we could then leave. I was kinda excited to be honest by this point as I was about ready to burst. I ended up going to the pub with one of the guys I'd previously met on the way down there called Blake. We also met a fellow rejectee and had a drink with him. I had a white wine spritzer and we just had a chat about why we never passed. One of the main reasons I believe was that we had journalism/humanities degrees. Like nearly all the people who got through had engineering or technical degrees. So the potential 'vacancies' must be in those sectors. As one of the girls who sat in on the process specifically asked if anyone had an engineering or technical degree as some of the recruiters were being very specific with that detail. So there you go.

I was used to basically meet a requirement, which was to 'fill' a place. I suspect the people there who arrange these days have to find so many graduates from different disciplines interested in that sort of area and it gets rather tricky so they just try and find anyone. Whilst I do feel that the day was somewhat of a waste, it was learning experience - that was my first graduate assesment day I've ever been to. Admittedly, it was a bit weird though.

It wasn't a waste in many ways however. I talked to a few of the people who succeeded on the day and they said that there probably isn't any vacancies anyway and that all of the people who got through probably won't get jobs. &also, one of the guys who was about 26, was being offered a starting salary for one vacancy of £14K, but he's currently on a lot more than that with his present job- so that wouldn't be very worthwhile.

I got the train home with a bunch of them and I talked to one guy who told me a load of names for different companies I should try and that sort of thing. So it was really helpful in those ways.

By the time I got to Manchester Piccadilly though - there was no train back home to Widnes :( so I ended up having to go to Warrington. Then wait there for another train which stopped at Widnes. Waiting on the platform however, some guy who looked rather unkempt and unclean asked me if he didn't mind me smoking (no, but it's now illegal to smoke at a train station). I said I didn't. Then he started telling me how he'd never been on a train before and how he was going to visit his mum for the first time in 10 years :/ I didn't really know what to say. He was rambling a little but he was like 'Will you keep me company on the train?' and when we were on there he was like 'What do I do - how does it work?' and I ended up having to tell him where he'd have to get off when he got to Lime St and then take another train from there which would hopefully take him to Ellesmere Port. Apparently he was from somewhere called Ashton, not far from Wigan and he'd been travelling all day.


Obviously freaked out a little and trying to keep calm by this point, he got a phone call from his Mum who wouldn't believe he was on a train so he was like 'Look Mum, I've got this lady friend, go on speak into the phone...' Errr 'Say hello?'
'Hello' I said, then that was that. Lol.
I couldn't get over how a 31 year old was acting more like he was 10. I was glad to get off the train and finally get home. It was great to get back and relax.

While yesterday was sure interesting, I think I'll be sticking to proper job interviews and avoiding those 'graduate days' from now on. Urgh.

Not sure what I'll be doing today, but I know that tonight I'm going to see Slipknot with Gary and his sister Katy. Should be interesting as Machine Head and Children of Bodom are also playing XD


Saturday, December 06, 2008

I received a letter today. I thought it was strange because I normally never get mail. Anyway it turns out after I open it, to be one of the application forms I filled in around 2 months ago. Apparently I hadn't put enough postage on it or something and was 6p under - so they'd returned it to me. Bloody annoying. So there was me thinking all along that the people I had applied to a job to weren't interested - when they had probably never even received my application form at all! grrrr.

It's most worrying because it contains loads of my information and I even included a picture of me which sounds strange, but they actually requested I do that on the application form. So anyone could potentially steal all of my personal information or even worse, set up a false identity using my details. What I want to know is - why'd it take 2 months to return it to me, if it failed to send? Infact, why bother sending it back at all. Bastards. I am SOOO angry. &I know you might say it's my fault, but honest to god I spent all day working on that application form in October and thought that one stamp would be enough because it wasn't even that heavy, just a few pieces of paper. Bastards. Aaaaarggghhh.

Anyway *calm* I'm ok now. Been busy buying Christmas presents today, so am expecting to be fairly broke v v shortly. But I figure I'd have to buy these pressies sooner or later so may as well get them now :) rather than end up in a blind panic in the last couple of days.

Still enjoying chocolatey adventness as well. Today I got an angel, I believe. Yerse.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Been pretty busy lately as I've been looking after Gary. He's not been feeling too well lately, so I've spent the past two days at his house looking after him and keeping him company until he makes a full recovery.

With Christmas looming ever nearer I also need to start sorting out my gift list for everyone and really take a good look at what I've already bought and go through what I need to buy - because I think there might be quite a lot somehow! hah. I don't mind though because it means I'll stay on top of it and get everything sorted early(ish) considering it's the 4th of December already...

My advent calendar has been suitably weird this year. I managed to purchase a Disney one on Monday and so far the first day was ok because it provided me with a christmas tree behind December 1st, but then I started getting...a mushroom?? and today's looked like a mince pie (slightly more reasonable) but it could've been a small christmas present for all I know *sigh*. I dunno, it just feels like standards are slipping.

I'm loving Coronation Street as always I am ADDICTED to that, hehhee. Though some of the stories seem a little far fetched (though me and my Mum completely saw the Becky and Steve love story that's blossomed in the past week or so). People in soaps are never happy though are they - I guess that's the point. Kinda makes me glad to live in the real world.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

I never update this. Maybe I should more. But life seems so frantic these days.
Which sounds crazy as it's not like I'm spending all day doing something I hate, I still have all the time in the world. For now.

Ok so Christmas is coming up shortly and here's my current situation:

- I'm constantly in a state of flux. Riding the rollercoaster of emotions career wise. I have not had much luck to be honest, despite all my best efforts and constant searching I am still out of work :( and looking for my first opportunity.

- But I remain hopeful that the opportunity I long for is just around the corner.

- I'm doing whatever I want to which is cool, but pretty odd. After spending such a long time having to do various assignments and so forth, and now being degree qualified I'm expected to know which direction to take my life and you think by this point you'd be well equipped for it - but truth is, that's just not the case at all. Infact it feels even more confusing. As a result I guess I'm just taking any opportunity that comes my way which sounds half decent.

- But in that time many good things have happened and I've really developed as a person which I see as a positive result.

- Plus I'm in a fantastic relationship in which we both share and look after one another which has been a real blessing. I've never known anything like it before. We've also shared many experiences, both over these past few months and prior to that when I was still in Sheffield and didn't get to see him as much as I would've liked. All that is over now and we've really, really become a lot closer.

Right now I'm wondering how the hell I'm going to get everything sorted before Christmas with only 23 days to go?! arggh. Where has time gone at all...

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Ahh. So much has ocurred since my last post. Once again sorry for my infrequency but I do not frequent the internet like I used to :) hehe. Ok, for a start I have FINISHED UNIVERSITY :D as of the 12th of June. Since then I have moved home and so I no longer live in Sheffield.

Now I am home, sorting my life out. Which could go one of two ways. Really really good - and I get employed, have a fantastic job and start my new life. Or really rather bad - and I wait around and never get past the interview stage for a job before being rejected :( so yeah. I hope it's the former.

I went to see My Bloody Valentine at the Manchester Apollo on Saturday night - was so COMPLETELY awesome. &I got to see them with Garywinks which is all that matters.

Since then I have just been resting. Sorted out my cd collection which was utterly fascinating. That took a while though because I had to find all of my cd's and place them in their respective cases - I must've completely messed them all up and put them into plastic wallets for when I went away to University, believing it was easier. However I now have no cd cases whatsoever, which is somewhat puzzling. Oh well. Althugh I maanaged to get rid of a pile of junk which was cluttering up my bedroom (old notebooks, Uni work etc)- which doesn't really matter now that I know I've got a 2.1. Yup :D I'm pleased with that.

Just the getting a job part I feel will be difficult. I am broke though so will probably have to settle for benefits if I don't get one soon. It's highly likely I suppose. Though I shall just keep on trying and trying until I do. Who knows, it could get pretty interesting.

Oh, me and Gary want to see Stephen King's 'Misery' at the Royal Court Theatre in Liverpool. Probably come Friday or Saturday we will.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I'm starting to panic a bit less since I've started laying stuff out. As a team it's great and we're speeding through - it feels like we're well ahead of everyone else on our mag stuff (though I doubt it somehow). Between us we've done 10 pages between the five of us, which makes us a third of the way through the whole thing.

It might mean a few days stuck in the newsroom until it's complete but I can only imagine it'll be worth it, to have it out of the way nice and early. Most of the small pages are already done and today I finished off my '5 finest spas' piece. Tomorrow I'm working on fashion and my Mother of the Bride piece, in a desperate attempt to get some things laid onto Quark and out of the way. I also have to see Liz tomorrow about my features articles as I need to get them checked as the person I sent them to originally for feedback off, hasn't even got back in touch...and it's been a week and a half already. Grrrr. The deadline for these articles is next Tuesday and I don't have the time to faff about as I have to give one of them for my friend Kirstie to edit - if I don't soon, it'll be too late. So I have to get feedback off my tutor then make appropriate changes and check and recheck before I feel happy that I want to use it for assessment before I can send it to Kirstie to edit for her work as it has to be the original copy. Phew. That's a lot, I know.

But then it's all just laying stuff out after that so I will feel a bit better then. I'm working on my dissertation this weekend which I can't say I'm ecstatic about, but at least it gives me something to do as I might be pretty lonely up here. Unfortunately I have to stay here and do work as I want to get it all out of the way so I can have it checked by my tutor and then signed off and bound (which takes a week itself!) arrggh. Too much work I think.

I had a brilliant weekend just gone though, spent it at home in Widnes with Gary. Loads of little parcels from ebay had arrived for me which was great and I basically just spend a couple of days just chilling with Gary. I went to the new Doghouse in Runcorn on the Saturday night which was ok although not all that exciting. And on the Sunday (18th), I went with Gary and Hazy on an adventure once more to Penketh on our little trek halfway to Warrington and back. Was fun.

I chilled on Monday, ended up shopping *blushes* I know, I know - I have a bad habit of buying stuff and I probably should just stop. But it's kinda hard...

I came back to Sheffield on Tuesday morning. Wrote up my 'other' article all day. Developed a massive headache which wouldn't seem to go away all evening and most of today, in all honesty. &then today, I had my LAST EVER SEMINAR. In political communication. Which is exciting, but also pretty nerve wrecking as it now means I have to start revising, which let's face it, isn't going to happen until I get all of this coursework handed in.

I went for a stone baked pizza at lunch with Kirstie and Lou to a place called Rise, which is on West Street and does a meal deal for £5.50 for a 12" pizza and a drink. Although I just had a 6" (which I ended up regretting, believe me when my mates got the most delicious looking and big pizzas, grrrr). That was a nice change anyway.

Tomorrow I have my LAST EVER LECTURE. Gulp.

Then it's bye bye slacking.

Hello work.

For 3 weeks.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Can't quite believe I haven't updated in here since February! Seems so long ago. And so many things have happened since then I wouldn't quite know where to start. But I am back (ish). I have a lot of work to do as I'm still at Uni for a good 4 weeks yet - and these next few weeks will not be easy, believe me. I have to focus. But after that I will have finished University FOREVER. Scary stuff.

I'm thinking about the future and everything in it. I had a really great Easter although it was filled with work :( and then I came back in early April and have been working ever since. On dissertation. On magazine.

To wittle it down to a fine point, here are my deadlines:

May 22nd - Magazine feature articles have to be submitted for assessment. This includes 3 magazine articles of varying lengths, PLUS one that's NOT for the magazine, a brief commissioning someone to write for the magazine and an edited piece of someone else's work from my group

June 5th - Magazine has to be submitted in its entirety

June 6th - Dissertation deadline

June 12th - Political communication exam (3 hours)

and then I'm FREE!! :D yayyyy. I seriously can not wait. One month today I will be FREE FOREVER. AARRGH. The excitement is just too much.

I had my NCTJ News Writing Exam today and it was pretty heavy going. First question was ok but the other three questions I'm not sure about. At least I'm not sure about question 3 as I had no real idea what it was getting at. I've been told the exam is very cut throat - I mean it's soo easy to fail that Liz Nice (one of the lecturers) said that most of us could end up resitting it. Which would be a bit upsetting considering we've spent about £37 just to take it! I soo hope I've passed. It means you get a preliminary certificate which employers like the look of and it means you can get more training and take more qualifications before becoming fully fledged I guess. And even though I've been put off by journalism, I do feel that I've got everything else - so the certificate would be a nice additional item to show off at the end of the day. &that sort of thing looks impressive to employers anyway as it shows commitment and dedication. Yep.

So fingers crossed.

In other news, I got my hair cut the other day. I had it reshaped and I now have a side fringe which is really very cute and I have layers sorta feathered around my face which I love. <3333 I got it done especially for when Gary came up to visit me. We had a great weekend - I made him chocolate cornflake nests and he got me a surprise - a Hello Kitty necklace ^-^ how cutee. So yes, we had a great time - went shopping, there was gorgeous weather all weekend too so we got to go out and my housemates had get togethers/bbq's on Saturday and Sunday. Was nice. And everything is feeling pretty amazing right now, although I know it will only get better.

- A

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Oh my god. I sat through an earthquake last night! It was pretty scary, especially since my bed started shaking and then my walls and I thought the house was gonna split in two! There was a strange feeling of being pulled sideways too, which I didn't like.

...and then it stopped. &I wondered, what the hell was that?! But I was not alone. People up and down England felt it. On the richter scale it was 5.3, which for England is pretty heavy. The worst in 25 years. It was well weird.

But it's nothing to complain about. There was some minor damage around the country, but thankfully I was ok and won't have to be repairing the house any time soon :) We get it very good compared to other countries. Thank goodness we don't get them on a larger scale.

Anyway, enough of that.

I have the day off (pretty much) but I'm unlikely to get much done as I have to attempt to write a cover letter (which will no doubt take ages), so I'm unsure whether to do that now or do some reading first. I also have to go and see a film at the union called 'All the Presidents Men', around 3pm, so I want to be ready for that.

I got my proposal back though and I'm chuffed to bits as I got a 1st! woohoo! :) yayayayaya. Which is very encouraging indeed and making me want to pursue the dissertation now. I didn't think I was going to get that grade because I've had the same mark all year so far, which has been a bit depressing. So it's nice to know my work is great in places :) hehe.

I have wrote a new poem too. Oh and a haiku :P


will result
in your

will prevent
you from
reaching your

Tell me
is it possible
to win on
the grounds of
a judge and jury?

Document your faith
Terrorise and glory
Ultimately the truth
can not be revealed
so you censor out the story

What kind of li(f)e is this?


Monday, February 25, 2008

Yes, I know it's late. But I thought I'd post this anyway, since I have a new piece of work.


The engine crawls
We fall down on our knees
to kiss the asphalt
that crumbles between
our palms, like soldiers
barracading the road through
the old town and the new city

Lies danger
Burning away at 200mph
Tarmac blisters in the stench of a pothole sun

….and looking out from the inside,
Johnny cocks his gun
Its metal glitters like the last trickles of water,
so this is what sweat tastes like,
from prisoners on the run

he thinks;
uncertain of the barrens
the cruel jibes
that plant themselves
in his memories
are growing thorns

twilights twist
a rosy vein
that blossomed
her first daughter
and he, the devil man
that spawned her

Out on the roads
Wielding weapons
of gross proportions
they fire out
all angles spinning
wheels a-grip with rage
the old man
sits slurping, grinning

Watching with a kind of naivety
at the bikers
wasting away
at speeds that kill
they take their fill
of drugs drink and women

He has seen many an outlaw
driven crazy by the sun
burned by the flames of fear
that flicker on the horizon

War damaged criminals
crippled by the surge of youth
no longer play the game
he sighs with relief;
no longer a hostage to the truth

Fast-forward to San-Fransisco
Bodies shunned in cactus strewn city
Johnny lights up
Leather jacket stitched on by name
fever-worn brows raised to the sky
Touching, slowly stroking the last
of the lead

Trunk raised high

He hums a tune
to keep himself steady
gun cocked at the ready…

‘Yes sir
this one’s a ho-or
better show her a good time’

Tears don’t fall
they flood her

Taped tresses strangle her beauty
like weeds trapping out flowers
Breath still, in danger
Breasts aware, rope twists blue
she grips her thighs a little tighter
to prevent his hand squeezing through

‘Come on little lady,
don’t be a stranger’,

he drawls
a cocktail of
hash and gin,
like a medley of grimey tunes

she bites
he moans
she screams

The kick of the wrist
the lash of the tongue
climbs yet crawls
and withers inside her

But with a bang bang
the trunk is covered
her petals scattered

Outside he stands,
leaving her for dead
the body he does sling

Taking only her silver locket
that’s the only thing she’d bring

He trembles
but can’t show fear
He lifts a cloth to wipe
the ruby stains
Stumbles, staggers
and slams the door shut.

…yet still the thorn remains

That night
in the old town
a greying shadow of a man
dreams about his family

It’d been so long
since his wife departed;
strangled at the hands of an angel
He became an outlaw
seeking revenge

He wanted to kill him
Wring his neck and slaughter
when that guy had swore upon his life, to
‘get you and your precious tramp of a daughter’

She was five
He had kissed her lips
The father bust his nose
Stroked her cheek
and touched her leg;
He’d made him comatose

but now at sixteen
she was in grave danger
a beauty all of her own
The father was scared
for her return

and checking the clock
feared but the worst
as he listened to the sound
of the speeding car, ahead
wheels ready to burst

‘She’ll be home soon’,
he says, touching the silver locket
over and over again

Its shape a rose
with a picture inside;
He gave it as a gift
when she was born

as a memory

…to the part of him that died.

ACJ 25/2/08

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I've been feeling pretty drab today. Not sure why. I guess it's the realisation and the monotony of having to buy newspapers everyday, that my dissertation is now under way and I've got to roll with it...there is no way out.

and I'll be honest.

I'm scared.

Really, utterly terrified that everything I've done so far and everything I'm going to do will be a pile of wank because I don't have the time to satisfy myself that what I'm doing is actually any good.

For starters, this term will be heavier (I suspect less stressful, just more boring than the last) because it's more academic.

I have a presentation to do in May
An essay due in after Easter
A tonne of reading for my dissertation
Have to write a 8,000 - 10,000 word dissertation itself
A 3 hour exam at the end of the term and...
I have to produce a 72 page magazine in a group of 5 people

and on top of that I have to produce a brief, write at least 3 individual features of varying lengths, sub-edit a piece of someone else's work and I'm sure we have to write something else, but I can't remember what. I know we have work to produce as a group though, as well as individually. So understandably, I am a little bit worn out by the prospect of all of that.

So it's pretty much going to be non-stop now until mid-June when I finish the course.

Don't even remind me about getting a job (people seem to keep going on about it to me) and the department is wittering on and sending e-mails to remind us of prospective jobs, you know, just to hammer it home a little.

One girl on my course already has a job and has started, doing one day a week at The Reading Chronicle for £12.50 an hour. That scares me somewhat. I haven't even started looking properly.

But maybe I should.

I'm signing up for stuff now just to ease my mind and hopefully get the ball rolling. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I have a new piece of work.

Wave Goodbye to the Butterfly

Feelings fall
as the autumn leaves
curl to skies of grey
and dancing, dancing
are washed away

Into puddles
that whisper of many moons
we fall asleep
on clouds of residue
as the caterpillar
hidden, so small
begins to creep…

Paraded so low
a kerb so high
that guttural stench
bleeding us so dry
never fails to intervene
when it comes to love
a quintessential mask
of our emotions

Upon the soul
as in our roots
pulled out
from the dark
we grew

and into the light
that glimmers
by fresh-speckled dew
we yearn for change
to take us along;
out with the old,
in with the new

Wasn’t that your saying?

Except I no longer feel
for that phrase
just as you no longer
that I stand tall
and unafraid

Not to be
not yours
You lose

Through flickering lights
decanter the sensation
they can’t prevent
us from reaching
our destination

That storm
That swallow
to flee

to follow.

- 19.2.08

Monday, February 11, 2008

I had a really weird dream on Sunday night. Or should that be nightmare. It was really strange. First of all, I was enjoying my stay in a medieval style cottage. Until some Helena Bonham Carter look-alike came bursting through to ask me what I was doing invading her living space. Turns out that Johnny Depp is a serial killer who's made her a part of his exclusive 'club' and kidnaps babies only to lock them in his shed. Then tries to chase me out of his garden with a pickaxe or some other similar device. Right. quite amazes me the extent of the depravity and vivacity of my dreams sometimes. But by this point, you're just thinking I'm a nutter. So I digress. I'll talk about what's real instead. By the way, that dream really happened.

Since my final autumn semester exam on Feb 4th, I've been home for a couple of days (from Tuesday until today) to be with Gary and my family once more. I had a really nice time, just chilling and not doing any work or revision (for a change) which I made the most of. My time with Gary was spent watching films (Beavis and Butthead do America, Halloween 4 and Who Framed Roger Rabbit, respectively). Whilst we also played games (Guitar Hero, NHL Ice Hockey) and I handed over 'Assassin's Creed' which I bought for him last week when it was offer for £23 at Zavvi. We went out a few times too - ended up getting some squeezy cheesy sauce which we're both kinda addicted to. Which was very yummy although it put me off a bit when I first saw it coming out of the bottle, it did taste pretty nice on chips. At the weekend, we had a wander around town and sorted out some stuff that went wrong with Gary's bank details after a mishap earlier in the week. But it's all good now :)

I went to Chester on Thursday. I love going there with my parents, I think it stems back from when I was little and we'd always go there every weekend. My great grandmother used to live in a house near to the city centre and I guess that's one of the reasons we used to go before she passed away. Plus it has really lovely buildings, lovely scenery and it's got a real sense of history about it. Although it may be too quiet for some people's taste, I've found the city centre itself to be pretty busy at times. When I was little I used to run up and down the pier near to the rapids and throw bread at the ducks in the water to try to get them to come up real close to me. I had great fun doing that and going on the 'Diana' boat ride one time. Classy. Ahh memories. Anyway last Thursday I just ended up buying a couple of dvds. 'Memoirs of a Geisha', 'The Prestige' and 'Thank You for Smoking' being some of the titles I chose to whet my appetite. I'm hoping to watch them with Gary, but we have a tonne of movies to get through as it is :]

In scarier news...some of my coursemates ALREADY have jobs! *is shocked and slightly dumbfounded*. This kind of makes me scared. It's starting to wake me up and realise I really need to start taking this seriously and to get my CV out there and applying for different sorts of jobs. It sort of worries me though that so many people are so keen to do well. I mean obviously people do, but I never expected so many people I knew to get them so quick. Kind of daunting. I'm still not sure if I even want to be a journalist anymore. Obviously they's got a job at the Reading Chronicle and another of my mate's has a job interview lined up for a top selling magazine! (by that I mean, the magazine she pointed to is readily available on the news stands). I couldn't help but feel a little 'oh' coming on when I found all of this out. Then again do I do what is expected of me, or take it at my own pace? Either way, refining my CV and having a look for some prospective jobs in the north west area can't hurt. I'll get cracking on that soon.

I've just realised how late it is now. Brrr. I start the final semester of University tomorrow! My number of hours now is significantly less than last term, seven hours compared to around - 9 or 10, last semester. Which is a lot nicer all in all. Then again, I'm supposed to be using that time effectively to do reading/study for my dissertation.

I have to be up early tomorrow anyway, I've got to pick up a parcel that got took back to the post office because it went unrecorded and unsigned. I need to get it as it's my Gary's valentine's present.

Stupid post people. grrr.

Over and out.

Monday, February 04, 2008

One week later and I am still at it. Revising that is. I think I know enough, but nowhere near to say I'm a pro. I only feel like I know the basics, not all the in's and outs like I should do. I'm just gonna have to keep on going over and over it until I understand completely.

The weather hasn't been helping. It snowed yesterday!!

I should've gone out in it ( I did to do a spot of shopping, nothing else and nearly ended up falling over because it was so icy, hehe) but I didn't get to go out and play in it like I wanted to. Boo. Exams suck.

I just take comfort in the fact that after tomorrow that's my last exam until late May/June! (for some it's their last ever- lucky buggers- they took political communication last year and had to do a three hour exam, where as I'm doing it this time around, having done web last year).

Anyway after tomorrow at 4.30pm I will be freee! and then all I have to do is hand in my JNL301 work on Tuesday. I'm then going back home for a few days before the new term starts as I'll have nothing else to do here, so figure I might as well go home and see Gary and all my family again. God knows I miss them all so much :(

Right, I best get back to revision. I'll update again soon.
Wish me luck for tomorrow if you love me :]
Take cares reader.


Monday, January 28, 2008

Whilst I should be revising right now, I am hung over and procrastinating to within an inch of my life. Basically, anything you can possibly imagine as distracting, IS.

I went to Pop Tarts last night, which is the unions' 60's/70's/80's/90's pop night and I had a really good time. But perhaps had one too many for my current liking. We went to celebrate my housemate Laura's 22nd birthday. Good times.

We had Singstar on the TV and other such delights before we went out too which was fun- the idea being to outsing your opponent.

Right, today's plan is to get some food going and then get down to a session of revision. I've got quite a big chapter to read, so I best go and read it before it starts to get too dark.

I'll update when I'm less busy.

Byee for now.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Ok, so it's been over a month since I last updated.
A lot of things have happened,as you can probably imagine.

First off, I am now 21. I had an amazing birthday:) I went to a comedy club in Liverpool in the evening with Gary and we watched some pretty funny comedians take to the stage and do their acts. Some were funnier than others, but all were better than I had expected. However we made the mistake of sitting in the front row (not through choice, the seats were booked so we couldn't change them), but it was good never the less. We did get picked on a bit (me especially) but it's ok because it was all in the name of fun :)

I had my birthday meal on the 11th of January (the day after) and that was great. It was a family occasion, so just me, Gary, my parents and my brother Chris and his fiancé Louise. Which was super as I don't think we do these kind of things enough (although we did all go out for my dad's birthday back in November). Yeps. So we went for a Chinese meal to celebrate my 21st and it was very yummy. Then we went back to Chris's place and cut my cake (I'll post pics soon). I also got given my pressies (lots of money, a bottle of pink champagne and a big box of Thorntons chocolates, mmm). Yummy. So I had an amazing time. It was really nice to just get dressed up and go out and to see everybody again. I loved it.

I got a classic ipod in silver from Gary :) which is great. As I have lots of money so it's a good way to put it all onto one and take it with me wherever I go (especially during the next week or so of sturdy revision where I will be playing it to my heart's content, hehe). I got clothes, bath stuff and money in general from my parents too. Plus my housemates got me stuff when I came back to Sheffield. I got a pink candle set, a celtic silver necklace, (a silver oriental style bracelet from my Mum), bath stuff and a student vegetarian cookbook! :) Oh I also got my late Christmas pressie off my new housemate Abby. She bought me the most divine vanity case ever! It's white with black print patterns on it and contains loads of special spa stuff. The other one is a sort of hanger travel case for packing a lot of items together- but you can pack a lot of things in there too, which is pretty dandy.

Speaking of Christmas pressies I got a lot there too. A digital camera, hair straighteners, money, clothes, chocolates, books, DVD's...the list is endless!! Before Christmas though, Gary came up and we celebrated up here in Sheffield for a few days. We had a great weekend of frolics, the Harcourt Skirts Christmas dinner :) and then after present opening and celebrations, we went to see VNV Nation at Corporation which was amazing.

I'd like to say I really enjoyed it. But I didn't. I LOVED IT. It was one of those life affirming moments and I'm proud to say that being with Gary has reaffirmed everything in my life that is true. He is my soulmate. Holding his hand and listening to everything like we had done two years ago made me realise: some things never change, in a world that is constantly revolving. I don't know what else I can say that he won't already know, but sometimes we don't need words. The songs said so much as it was. That connection we felt all those years ago in high school, has been reignited many times over and over at Christmas time and into the New Year. I can now only hope that 2008 will be like it is now. Happy. Joyous. Looking forward into a world that is once again liveable because you feel the soul inside of you, moving upwards towards the never ending sky. & a line of heavenly surrender. As you realise, that light will never change.

Thanks for reading this.

I know it's a bit late, but Happy New Year. Happy 2008.

'Let there be, let there always be a neverending light...'